I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
