We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
