I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How does one acquire holy water?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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