Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my shit smells like andre
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
