I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
