i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
