you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
