if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
