Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
