woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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