Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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