their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
