There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There r osticjed everywhere
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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