Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Where is the hickey?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
