Say something about gay babies.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
