If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
