She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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