dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
