After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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