is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
