dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
