Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
