so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize