I'm jealous of your bromance
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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