Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Less talking, more tequila
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
