Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
