May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She announced her abortion via fbk
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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