the condom got lost in my hair
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
