3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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