she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
