Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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