O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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