4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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