I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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