you traded sex for a burrito?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
