Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!