It's Friday. Sex?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife