remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
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Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?