I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.