Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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