id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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