they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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