also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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