she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
