Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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