I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Even my vagina gasped.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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