His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
