just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
