do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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