got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is it penis luge time yet?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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