Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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