home. puking in laundry basket.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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