hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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