Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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