My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize