i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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