is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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