You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
