my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
