driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
