Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
