Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize