shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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