Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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