I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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