If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
