If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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