why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
