Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
