I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
