Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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