Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
