sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
