Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
NoShamevember. You game?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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