Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
