i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
