Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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