I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
