YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize