I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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