after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
