Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
