oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize