I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
