capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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